On & On: Erykah Badu Cover

Psychology of Me Pt. 1

June 7, 2010


The Question: What made you decide to change your mind?

The Answer:

The human mind has always been apt to change. However, when one's mind only knows one way, one lifestyle, or one manner, it is then that their mind finds it hard to adapt to any other way of thinking or living for that matter. It becomes extremely hard for one to break the chain that they have become so accustomed to over their lifetime. Myself, well I’ve figured out how to break that chain. I’ve discovered the mind’s worst enemy. The one thing that overpowers thoughts of any kind. The enemy that is strong enough to break even the most embedded cycles of living. The enemy that is superior to all beings and of course makes all of the mind’s possible thoughts inferior. That discovery is the one thing no one will ever be able to understand. The worst enemy of the mind is none other than the heart.

The mind often contemplates myriads of issues, thoughts, and problems. It is overwhelmed by possibilities and hindered by consequences and obstacles. I fail to have the desire to say the mind is its own game whose rules change at its own discretion. But the mind lives outside itself wandering as its own being, affected by numerous factors with results that end with the choice of either making or breaking the person it belong to. The number of thoughts and types of thoughts that can enter one’s mind can be, for a lack of better terms, mind-boggling.

The question that has currently entered my mind is whether emotions belong to the mind or the heart. This battle of who they belong to is only solved by stating that the mind’s only connection to emotion is its recognition of what emotion(feeling) is and understanding it. The heart’s connection to the term emotion is the actual execution of the emotion; however, the battle returns to the mind and poses another question: how can emotion be executed if it does not know what the feeling is? However, for some strange reason, the heart always seems to win, leaving human beings to feel that the heart has ultimate power. Could this possibly be because the execution of an emotion has more intensity than just a mere thought of understanding what emotion is?

The next thought that has intrigued my memory is the reason for beginning to write and that reason was my imagination. I was vividly imagining standing before the Director of Psychology at Rochester Institute of Technology. I had imagined him asking me, “What made me change my mind?” Now, my mind had, as it always seemed to do, wandered to random thoughts of Long Island University and theatre and horses galloping in an open field. More of a space cadet pattern of thought, if you will. Let’s not leave out any detail as the director had seemed to have been looking down on me as if I were inferior and he was superior for an unknown reason. I had imagined this happening as if were currently occurring. But this imagination had come, as they say, out-of-the-blue. Or had it? Could I have been subconsciously thinking of the most recent and recurring conversation of attending R.I.T. to study psychology, triggered by my father? Most likely that was where that imagination originated.

Imagination is a powerful concept. It becomes strikingly overwhelming and oftentimes baffling as to how the human mind works and why it operates the way it does. Now, while it is very much possible for me to sit here and write based on research and facts, I choose not to. It is much more powerful, profound, effective, and has much more meaning and impact if I dare to write as the mind thinks and based on past personal experiences. I find that the human mind becomes more interested if it can be nosy and pry into another person’s life and understand that someone else has problems that relate to me. Because of this, I can possibly take what they have done and apply it to my life and in turn, people optimistically have the hope and belief that their situation will change for the better.

I talked to Tye Tribbett

So, I just saw Tye Tribbett, Bobby Jones, Smokie Norful, and many more talented people at the BET Studios in Washington, D.C.

I had a great time. I had the opportunity to speak with Tye Tribbett. I asked him, "How did you get to where you are now?" He replied by saying that people always ask him that and they hate the answer which is to simply be faithful.

God blessed Tye Tribbett with an opportunity when God felt it was the right time. I do not hate the answer at all, rather I am empowered through it and feel that it is necessary to truly be faithful and God will open my door when it is time. Whenever he is ready, I will be too.

Thank you Mr. Tribbett for the messages you gave through Jesus Christ this evening. I was empowered and strengthened on tonight. I also feel that God has truly opened my heart and has allowed me to realize that now is the time I must truly be faithful and show I love Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour.

My Declaration

I AM GOING TO SPEAK UP AND OUT FOR MYSELF!
I AM GOING TO LIVE FOR JESUS!
I AM GOING TO GROW UP AND SEE LIFE AS IT IS AND HOW JESUS SAYS IT WILL BE.
I WILL STAY DETERMINED TO REACH MY GOALS, IGNORE EVERYONE THAT IRRITATES ME, REMEMBER GOD IS ON MY SIDE, FORGET AND FORGIVE.

CLEAN SLATE.

I WILL WALK UPRIGHT BEFORE THE LORD. I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME.
I COULD CARE LESS IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME. I AM NOT PERFECT BUT I STAND FOR MY HEAVENLY FATHER AND JESUS CHRIST WHO WAS CRUCIFIED FOR MY SINS.
JESUS CHRIST CAME IN THE FLESH AND I LOVE HIM.

JEALOUSLY, IGNORANCE, AND YOU BEING EVIL ARE WHAT I KNOW MY GOD WILL KNOCK OUT FOR ME.

I WILL DEFEND MY GOD AT ALL COST. HE DIED FOR ME AND I WOULD DIE FOR HIM. I'M TIRED OF LIES AND DECEIT. JESUS I AM READY TO FIGHT WITH YOU AND FOR YOU.
MY NAME MEANS DEFENDER OF GOD AND I WILL DEFEND YOU.
I WANT A CLEAN SLATE.
I, ALEXIS DOMINIQUE-CARLIETA HARRIS, AM LETTING GO OF ALL BUT YOU MY LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!!!

I Ain't Missing You

It's so sad but very empowering.

My heart feels like it's breaking but I can't describe the feeling.
You have lifted me up and have helped me to grow and open my eyes to the tragedies and empowering moments in life.
There's a message that lies under the physical realities that I see.
I can't resist the feeling to speak to you from my heart anymore.
I ain't missing you...no matter what I may say.
I loved you once.

I felt I needed you every second of every minute of every hour of every day.
I would breathe you with every breath.
I prayed for you more than myself.
I couldn't catch my breath when you were around.
I didn't know what to say when I was with you.
And it is truly my heart that is breaking.
But I ain't missing you at all.
Since we left each other, you've left my mind.
I have thoughts of our love and triumph.
I have feelings in my heart of our life and happiness.
As tears roll from my eyes, I lie to myself and say I ain't missing you.
The winds are blowing and life is changing.
We never went beyond our friendship yet I felt a deeper connection.
Thinking about you drives me insane because I'm not with you.
I'm losing this fight.
I know my heart is breaking with each day since you've been gone.
But I ain't missing you tonight.
No I ain't missing you at all.
My mind is confused and running side by side with my heart.
My heart is cold and hurting.
I lost my best friend.
I can't believe I let us go.
Everytime I think of us I push away any memories.
I shut us out as if we never happened.
You're so far away and a storm brews within my heart and drives me wild.
My heart is breaking.
But I ain't missing you tonight.
No I ain't missing you at all.